There is some time on twitter (gosh,I don’t like this app. I don’t even know why am on it), this guy had written that if you ever go into a woman’s house and you find that she’s written on sticky notes and stuck them on her walls,that’s a big red flag there.
I have no idea what that meant though. No,I know what he meant by they are red flags. I just didn’t know what he meant by you should consider them a red flag. You get me? Obviously,he meant you are really crazy somehow. See,that’s why I don’t like that app. Such know- it- alls over there. Or non know-it-alls.
And the comments that followed that status were all in agreement.
Am those women. Am that person who will write on sticky notes and stick them all over my bedroom mirror and walls. Just small notes of things I have read and I like. Small notes that resonate with me or make me feel. Quotes and sayings that are important for me to remember. So I write them down and put them where I can see them on the constant.
You do what makes you you.
I write on a notebook. I follow affirmation pages on the internet. And then I claim things. A lot. Am not very good at manifestation,but I try. I have come to realize that I legit have most of the things I have ever wanted. Am grateful and then I write that down. That’s what makes me feel good. That’s the kind of stuff that make me feel like things are okay. Or are going to be okay.
And isn’t that what we all need in our lives? Little things that us make feel fine! It’s always those small things.
You do what makes you you.
If it’s journals or diaries or little sticky notes all over your space,you do that. If it’s therapy,you do that. If it’s opening up to random people who don’t even know you,you do that. Lol. Though I think that’s really funny. Opening up to people I know is a task, imagine a total stranger! Anyways.
I don’t know…. This life has no manual though. There isn’t one way to do one thing or the other. We are all winging it out here honestly. Even those who think your way is wrong,they don’t have an answer either.
Recently I was reading a twitter post about this twenty eight old lady who had her uterus removed. At 28. It was a whole very hard process because apparently as a woman,you can just walk into the hospital and have a doctor do a hysterectomy on you without a male consent. Yes! That’s actually a thing. In this day and age. In this bloody century. Shocker. I didn’t know about that. Anyway,that’s a story for another day. So this lady had to go through 9 doctors,who all refused her because apparently she was young and she’d probably change he remind in the future,blah blah blah. Finally, the final doctor who was a woman, agreed to do one on her,but she still had to have a male consent. She got her brother to give her permission. In that tweet,she was ecstatic. Because something she’d wanted since she was a very young person had come through. She’d always known she didn’t want kids.
I always think back to that tweet. Not because I want a hysterectomy. Oh no. God forbid. I have fibroids,but I pray every day that it never gets there for me.
Why that tweet was the best thing I had read in a while was because that lady was brave enough to shout out to the world what she wanted. And she got what she wanted. And it hit me exactly why.
I realised why these stories of women who decide they don’t want kids or husbands or who don’t conform to all that society expects of them make me feel good.
Why are they wholesome stories to me.
I am ashamed.
I am ashamed for wanting. For some reason,I feel shame for wanting what I want most. A baby. A husband. Am single, yes. But it’s the 21st century. It’s not supposed to define me. Which,it does not. But still. You get me? It’s still there.
I usually feel really less when I say I want these things. That’s usually why I’ll laugh it off,say I’ll be okay with or without it. It’s what is expected,you see.
Brave people are my people. I love them. Maybe because am not a brave soul,I guess. So seeing one gets me. A person who decides this is what they want and they go through with it gets me. They’ll say and do and screw anybody else.
I know,I know. Am not supposed to give a hoot what other people will think,or think. Am grown. This is my life. I so know this. Still.
I don’t know where these feelings come from. I don’t fault people who are loud about their wants. I feel at fault about mine though. Somehow.
Am a strong(okay, strong-ish) independent(not by choice) woman. I don’t need those things. I can’t be needy like that. But I am. I shouldn’t feel shame for that. Right? There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting. With wishing and hoping and praying. Doesn’t make me weak,no matter that it makes me feel that way.
Also,am constantly afraid none of it will ever happen,and so I feel shame for wanting things that won’t happen. Ya friend feel me?!
I personally hate this question. I do. Yes,it’s very straight forward,but also very, very confusing. Also,it makes me very nervous. Because I never know what to say other than my name. And probably age. And maybe where I live… You know,the basic of things.
And it irks the most when you are at some job interview,or speaking to someone new and you asked this dreaded it. Your mind just goes blank. Like bye bye,gotta go hide now! #eyeroll
Well, ofcourse you know who you are. The trouble is explaining to someone else who you are. Maybe give me a pen and paper and I’ll probably give it my best shot??
Maybe I find it uncomfortable because I don’t like talking about myself. Am sure people who are really good orators,or just generally talkative thrive on this. They can start and never finish and by the time they are done,you feel like you have know them forever.
Heh. Am not those people. Its always a struggle for me.
Today I was asked what moves me. Like,what makes me tick…..
See, this is why I could never strive in therapy!
Right now,am a daughter,first and foremost. Am a sister too. A very good friend to some people, (well,I hope I am). A cousin to a couple of really cool guys. Am aunt. Am an employee who thanks God every single day for the job she has. I don’t live for my work though,but I do enjoy it. Most times. I try to be a good human being,but that’s always relative. Depends on the person you ask anyway. Or the day. Am a person who loves books. I love to read. I love to discover new words,and then use them in everyday sentences. Lol. My kindle is the best thing that has happened to me since….well,since a very long time! I love to write also. When am really bothered to anyway. Am an ambivert,I came to discover. Being in between an introvert and am extrovert. I belong to bother worlds. Staying in and going out gets me pumped up in a good balance. Oh,I also hate exercise. That is the one thing that I can’t really do to save my life, really. And I believe in the stars. I really do. I’ll wake up in the morning and check my horoscope. Am those people. The aquarius in me. I love comedy and action shows. Laughter and violence. Balance!
Am moved deeply by my family. Ofcourse,am all about them,you see. Am moved when my parents ask for something and I can give it. When I can provide. Am moved when am amongst them,half of the time doing nothing but just being. My girlfriends also move me. Move me to laughter and fun and generally just being me…my squad. Am also moved by the boy am very much in love with. Am moved when good things happen to me or to the people closest to me. Hell,am moved when good things happen to people in the movies I watch or books I read! Day drinking has become a favorite pastime. Shows how old am getting, yeah? I love music. All kinds. As long as it sounds good to my ears,am game.
People who think they are better than everyone else piss me off. Rude people irritate the hell out of me! Hey,it will cost you literally zero shillings to be kind. People who think they know what’s best for everyone else make me really mad. Busy body’s make me mad also. How about minding your own damn business,aye! I hate mushrooms. Urgh! Can’t stand that shit! I’d rather eat grass.
Also,am a big believer in letting people be. Let people enjoy things. Stop being a party pooper. This life is for the living. Enjoy it. And if you can’t,let other people do it on your behalf. Ain’t nobody coming out of it alive anyway.
Before I started working where I am right now,I used to be a steward. When I applied for that job,I didn’t think it meant what it actually means. I imagined a steward is the same as being a hostess. You know,those pretty people who meet you at the door of the restaurant and ask ‘table for?’ , with these gorgeous smiles on their gorgeous faces with their perfect teeth? Yeah,that. Ha! Yeah,that should have been my first clue as to what I was actually applying for. Because really,my teeth aren’t perfect and my face isn’t gorgeous…maybe my smile could have passed though. Yeah,that’s what I equated being a steward to. So anywhoo,I applied for this job at one of the many franchise cafes that are all over Nairobi. So a steward basically works in the kitchen. And in the toilets. And anywhere you are told to work at in the back kitchen. It was washing dishes and helping prep the chefs station and making sure the guests toilets is clean and has all consumables. I didn’t mind it at first. It was some gruesome work though. Quit it after a while too. So work aside, there was this head chef who used worked there and he had this habit of calling us females ‘mrembo’. I swear,upto this day,I hate that term being a substitute for calling another person. It’s a nice word because it means beautiful,right? Like,on a normal day, someone calls you mrembo you smile sweetly and go ‘thanks’. But it was just the way he said it…He used to use it in such a demeaning way. You work for/with someone for such a long time,it’s only natural for you to know their name. It was never in his vocabulary. It was always mrembo this, mrembo that. It was really condescending the way he’d say it also. Like,you are beneath him and he didn’t have to know your name. He called the men with their names though. Arsehole! I’d go to work and if he happened to be in the same shift as me that day,my energy would just drop. Because the head chef was the head in the back kitchen and everything else. Really hated being called that.
Even now,don’t call me mrembo. Just, F you,man. I’d rather you catcall even. I swear I have PTSD from that. 😂😂. It’s the trauma.
I love pet names. Am very affectionate like that. I’ll smile at a small child and say ‘hi honey’ or ‘hey baby’. It’s just something that’s in me. I’ll call my friends sweety or babe or just always some weird funny name that I will only associate with them.
Do you know what other names people just think suit you and they are really irritating? Random people calling you ‘auntie’. Lol. Am not your auntie! Don’t call me that! I know,I know. They don’t know you so what will they call you? But still! No. Makes you feel ancient,or some shit.
I work in customer service,so I usually have to address people in polite terms. Or names. Like ma’am. And sir. Is that African? I don’t know. I’ve read about it,so I usually think it’s really polite. And ‘hey sweetie’…lol. But that I will only do in very informal places.
So how we address people around us is really important. We should check on that. That ka-name you think won’t hold, most probably will.
I have a kink on my left hand wrist. Like,an ache that comes and goes. Then I have to flex the hand,like am relieving some kind of tension or something. On the hand,that is. After that,I switch my phone to my right hand.
Yup. I get the ache because I always have my phone in my hand and scrolling through it.
I am obsessed with my phone. I love my phone. I never thought that I’d be those people,but here I am. Before all this social media-smart phone obsession,I was into books. Don’t get me wrong,I still very much am. If I had to go anywhere and you gave me the choice between my mobile phone and the book I was currently reading,I always picked the book. Always. Now I pick the phone. But also,I have a Kindle,so I usually pick them both. Unless am going to some social event and I know that I won’t even get the tiniest chance of catching up on my reading. Plus,I can totally read the books on my phone. So it’s always a win win with my phone.
Technology,mhen? Isn’t it the best just!
Am not anti-social. Not that much anyway, anymore. Depends on where I am. Or the crowd I find myself within.
Like that joke people say that you wake up and the first thing you do is check your Facebook notification before you even check if you can walk.
Hahahaha. But how true is that though.
I sleep with my phone under my pillow. Or beside my head,whilst it’s charging. The last thing I check before I fall asleep is either Facebook or Instagram. Then I’ll put on my sleep sounds app because it’s so soothing and it makes me fall asleep faster. I specifically love the rain sounds. Nothing like the sound of artificial rain when you are trying to sleep. I have insomnia sometimes.
Honestly though, don’t we all just love social media?I can’t even imagine how we used to pass our time before all these social media apps were created. Yeah, people like me read books. We still do. Or maybe played those mobile games..snake xenzia and stuff. Now there are all types of mobile games. Candy crush. That’s the most I know, really. I don’t play phone games. Sometimes though I try word games and puzzles. Those are fun. I could those.
Facebook was my first social media app. A friend introduced me to it. I never really got the hullaboo about it at first,but it came to grow on me. The posting of photos and ‘what’s on your mind’ business and then it was Facebook that made people who had lost touch eons ago get in touch again. It was amazing. Now I love Facebook. Am not one to share photos and such,but I love that it’s a big source of news for me. I usually learn what’s happening in the country,or in the world,via Facebook. And the memes! I love memes. I love sharing them. Makes my day.
Instagram for all the showy shit people do for likes. IG is a fun place to be. There’s memes also over there. Anywhere there is memes,am in. Who doesn’t love a good laugh all the time. Many people also use the platform to sell stuff. So I may not be buying things like I want to,but I like to look. Internet window shopping.
I always had a twitter account,but I was never active until last year. Never really got the hang of it,and I didn’t know how it was done. It’s interesting too. Kinda. Apart from the fact that twitter people all think they are oh so clever,it’s a cool platform. I get news from there too.
I looove Pinterest. It’s just amazing. It’s like my own free therapist. 😃 Am very big on quotes,yeah? So each time I feel some type of way,I get in there and there’s all these ideas and suggestions on how to deal. With whatever you are feeling. It helps me a lot. And the DIYs. I have done so many things around my house by myself because I saw it on Pinterest. And they all usually turn out okay. And really pretty. Just how I like it. And where do you think I get all these pictures I use for my WordPress? Yup! Pinterest. Thank you!
And WhatsApp? Chiillee. Let me not even start. Do not call me if it’s something you can text on WhatsApp. Am serious. Especially if I don’t know you very well. I will legit watch the phone ring off.
Let me not forget google. Who doesn’t appreciate google? I mean,this is like free school. You want to know anything,you just type it in and there’s all your answers. Plus more! I personally google everything. From word spellings and pronunciations to things I hear or read or see on TV. Our very own encyclopedia.
And all these apps are out here making people millionaires and giving people jobs. The creatives are killing it with them.
I wake up and check my phone before I know if I can walk! Am those people. I admit it. I am addicted,and am not even ashamed.. it’s good fun. And now with this quarantine business,what the hell are we supposed to do but be addicted to our phones?! And all these small social media apps?
They all make the world go round and round. ## rule the world now.
I believe in love,love just doesn’t believe in me.
I read this somewhere and I felt it. I know,I read a lot of stuff and I feel most of them. Especially now,with this whole corona-virus pandemic and quarantine and being alone and being at home 24/7. It’s especially hard if you are single. Even when you are used to it, sometimes it will still get to you. The quietness,the just being-you-and-your-thoughts. The fact that it hits you that all you have is you. Yeah,I have family and friends whom I love a lot,but at the end of the day, you are coming back to yourself.
So dating in this era is hard. I mean,really hard. It’s like playing candy crush and you never go past level 1. Mind you,I have never played candy crush and I don’t even know how it’s played and I don’t even know if it has levels. I just know it’s a very popular game and lots of people are into it. Just like dating. There is all these levels you have to go through and pass,or you are out. There is always a rush in starting something new,a giddy feeling that gets your heart going. I don’t have the capacity to go through these phases,but I kind of have a rough idea on why we usually don’t go past level 1. No. Not on candy crush. On dating.
Ghosting. We all know what that is. Going bye-bye rather than tell you to your face that I don’t want to be involved with you anymore. It’s a very rude gesture,this. I’ll admit,I myself have done it a time or two. It has been done to me too and let me tell you…urgh,the feeling you get after you realize that person you liked has ghosted you is a bit sad. Although, telling someone that you aren’t into them or that you aren’t interested anymore is very ideal. Hell, even a stupid a dear John takes the cake.
How many times have you read about playing hard to get? This is something that is so famous. So you like someone,and they like you back and they show it but instead you chose to pretend that you don’t. Most ladies do this. Do guys do this also? I don’t think so. But this is the one thing that I have never understood. Why can’t we just be honest? I truly never have understood why it has to be a competition. You like this person,and they do back,and you know they do…then just show it. There is nothing wrong in being completely raw in your emotions. I think it’s very hot when someone is honest like that. Well,unless you aren’t into them the same way and they become a total nag, then this is when you become an adult.
Say what you feel. I think we can be so strategic when we are trying to express our emotions. You don’t want to appear so desperate,or needy. You would rather show that you don’t care ,or care very little. Messages will be replied to not immediately, all to show that you are very busy and not so attached and them reaching out isn’t all that. When in actuality,that simple text message or call would have totally made your day. This is just some backwards BS crap. Also,I have been guilty of all the above.
Do we also give up too fast? The patience levels we have are nil. It’s like someone has one strike with us and the second they mess up just a little bit,they are gone. Cancelled. Onto the next one. Onwards Onwards. I know people have choices and everything,and you don’t have to go through something that you don’t want to,but how about a little patience? A little holding on to see how things will turn out? Unless it’s really bad or toxic,it doesn’t mean that you are settling. Love is a journey,yes,but sometimes you have reached your destination but you like the bus ride so much that you continue going.
I don’t know. Am not speaking from someone who knows better,or who perceives to have it all figured out. But am writing from things that have happened to me or to people I know or from I have heard or read.
Being alone is good. If you have been single for a very long time,like I have, it’s something that you come to embrace. And love. And appreciate. It’s not like you have a choice anyway,but the frets become limited for that fact. Not to be so jaded,it even reaches a point that you even think that all of that love business isn’t for you. Am currently at that point. What can I say! It’s safer and less disappointments this way.
I don’t have the solution to that. Maybe try and get out of your comfort zone. Not be so cynical?
I remember when I was younger,I think I was in primary school…. No,I was in high school. My younger brother and I used to fight alot. Like,it was always an all out war between us in our house. Every single day. Like clockwork. One of us had to end up in tears,usually either of us, (because as soft as I was and even if I didn’t know the wrestling moves he unleashed on me,I always refused to go down without a fight!) ,and the one who always started the fights was my him. He used to be a terror,that little shit. He still is,even up to now. He is older,yeah, but is still a terrorist,I swear. But it’s all good fun now. Well,because he can’t bully me now…am old. So I remember this particular day we were fighting, as usual. My mum wasn’t around,but my dad was. Our father was usually the one who kind of kept out of our little wars. He saw it as a little sibling rivalry and we would outgrow it. Anyway,I can’t even remember what we were fighting about on that day. Must have been something very stupid. It was always something very stupid anyway. I remember that my brother had just finished primary school,and the KCPE results were out. In the midst of our fight,I recall calling him stupid and that is why he failed his KCPE exams and that he wasn’t going to amount to anything. Well,he hadn’t failed failed ,but he had gotten less marks than what was expected of him. Less marks than what I had gotten my previous years. I remember feeling so guilty and like the worst human the second those words had left my mouth. I also remember my brother going very quiet,like me saying that to him really put him down. He was already down,and I kicked him when he was lying down there. Even my dad who always kept out of our silly fights was very mad at me and he immediately told me that was wrong and that I should apologize immediately. Which I did,because I felt very bad for saying that.
I have just seen some guy write that women are usually very good at flinging your short comings at you when they are angry,or when they feel like you are not doing what they want. He was basically trying to say that we are the worst people in fights. We know your weakness,we have mastered them and the second it goes wrong,that’s our weapon of choice.
Like that man who probably doesn’t have a job,or they lost their job,and they are depending on their wife to be the breadwinner. You know what am talking about,don’t you? Yeah. That situation. So when she is feeling overwhelmed,or they get int a little tiff,what she will say is how he doesn’t do anything for them and she’s the one who has carried the family on her back and he is completely useless. Key word being useless. And so for a man who is already struggling because he is feeling useless,words like those just has him really believing it.
Or that woman who isn’t with their baby daddy,and they want to be,or something happened so they can’t be together and they are forced to co-parent. Most of these times,it’s the woman who will frustrate the man. Especially if she knows that man loves their child deeply. Most of these time,she will use the child. ‘You want to see your baby,then you gotta do this’ type of situations. The man’s reputation is usually tarnished,labelled as a dead beat dad. It happens. We all know that it happens.
Even of bitter exes. If you break up with her,then now you are body shamed. Your dick is suddenly small. Nothing wrong with small dicks,but men find this very demeaning. Yeah,it wasn’t small when you both were together and she was thoroughly enjoying the small penis. Forget about that. Then you are a stingy guy and all your small faults are aired out for every Mary and Susan to know.
Or when you break up with your close girlfriends and the first words will probably be, ‘that’s why your husband left you’, or ‘that’s why you are still single or childless’. You know,painful hard facts.
Am not trying to attack women. Of course women aren’t the only gender that can be toxic. Or mean. But the fact is,that women can be mean. We know where to hit hard. And hit you hard it will,because that is what the insult is supposed to do.
My mum always says ‘Ogopa mwanamke’… ‘Fear women’.
I usually pray that am not those kind of women. That am not the kind of person who will kick you when you are down. I consider myself a big empath. Am very bad at confrontations anyway. That I will never get to a point that when am angry, I will find your biggest weakness and throw it at your face to make you feel small. I hope am not those people. Well,yeah I can say it when am watching some TV show and I feel like that character deserves to be attacked by their flaws. But that is just TV. Right?
I have never forgotten those words that I said to my brother those many years ago,and I hope that I will never get to a point in my life I will have to be that again.
And anyway,there is always a reward in being the bigger person.
That’s a favorite quote of mine. Actually,I have several. But I kind of fell in love with that and I had it tattooed on my left arm last year. It was a birthday present to myself. It was all about the hope. Am always one for hope. Sometimes I don’t have it,but am always one for hope. I always say the second you lose hope on anything,then you have lost it all. And it’s true. Hope is a feeling that keeps us alive.
But most times,as much as we hope with everything that we have,we cut it short. Just tell ourselves that it’s better not to hope in case it all goes wrong. Then we won’t be so disappointed. Who wants to be sad anyways,right!
Recently,I discovered that I have uterine fibroids. Quite big ones. Bigger than normal,atleast. Normally, the ones that are as big as what I have, are not harmful,but they can affect you in some ways. Like,say,infertility. That’s the most common thing with fibroids. My mum was scared when I told of them. She wants to be a grandmother,you see. She is one now,but if I don’t have babies,she’ll probably disintegrate or something. #RollsEyes. Anyway, the discovery of my fibroids made me realise that maybe I may not have said babies. My poor mother! It’s a thing that I have been thinking of. Well,it’s a thing that I have been thinking of waaay before I found out I had fibroids. I mean,am old(er) now. So maybe it will never happen for me. I ask myself,what man wants an old woman? Then to top it all up,I have these things that limits my chances of procreating. So am old,and possibly infertile and single. Ha! That’s some good combination!! It’s all better for me when I tell myself that probably the two M’s( Marriage and Motherhood) isn’t for everyone. Maybe it’s not meant for me. Maybe am meant for other things….I don’t know what other things yet,but well…Yeah. It’s better not to hope for that part of my life. I don’t want to be sad and disappointed when it doesn’t happen.
It’s like when that guy you like tells you he is going to arrange for a date after a long while,and you laugh and say no,you aren’t going to do that because you have said that several times and it never happens. And so you don’t wait for a call,or anticipate for one,or simply,hope. Because you know in the long run,it’s gonna end in tears. LOl! Premium tears. Even though deep down you wish it would happen.
Or when you have decided that you don’t need friends in your life. That you are good all by yourself..happy. Satisfied just being alone. Like,Eleanor Oliphant. You know that book,’Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine’? Really nice book,that one. Read it. So you are Eleanor. When in reality,you are just afraid. Afraid that you won’t make any friends. That nobody will like you. So you don’t even try. You keep everyone at arms length. You wish you had a bff though,or a squad. Because…well,Taylor Swift showed us having a squad is super fun. And it really, really is. But you’d rather not be disappointed,so you don’t even hope for that. Or maybe you do,but you tell yourself that you don’t care.
Fear is in us. It lives in us. This is normal. It’s a survival instinct every person is born with. You know what else lives in us though? Hope. We are this blank canvas and then you have to decide what you are going to paint it. Fear is black , and hope….hope is all the bright colors of the rainbow.
Am no shrink,or anything, but that is my theory. And it’s a pretty good one,hey?
Also,I should also follow my own blank canvas theory.
So coronavirus is upon us. And the world has stopped. Literally. The world has stopped. Nobody in the history would ever have though that we would ever get here. Nobody! Yeah,time is still moving and people (well,some people) are going about there business and some things are happening,but it’s all so different. And unless you are scientist working on a vaccine,all we can do is stay at home and wash our hands.
Am at home too at this time. Well,am at home because I have started my annual leave and let me tell you,it couldn’t have started at a good time. Self quaranting with the rest of everybody. Yaaaiye. Except I don’t even see the difference between now and my usual life. My life is always a self quarantine. This is my normal.
Anyway,am watching this docuseries on Nettflix. It’s called a 100 humans and it’s very interesting. So they have gathered these 100 people and they do experiments. If you have Netflix,please watch it.
A few were waaay interesting. Like,did you know that men who are very good dancers have the best sperm count. Like,high above average. Yup,men who are really good dancers have the best swimmers. Swimmers is sperm,for those who don’t know this lingo. All they have to do is breathe on you and,baam, you are pregnant! But we always find them sexy,anyway. Or,atleast I do. It’s why I think so many dancers have so many women around them. Dancing is sexy…and more so when you a man with an amazing body. All your muscles stretching this way and that way…different body parts moving fluidly…. Dancers and Disc jokeys(DJs)…but there was no experiment on DJs. That’s just my theory. And men who are good dancers are really good kissers too. That is an experiment that I have done. Yeah…welcome! So ladies,if you want to have a baby with a man really fast, just take him dancing. It’s science.
Then,the matter of multi tasking. Men are shit at multitasking. We didn’t even need an experiment for us to know that. This is very common knowledge. I feel like,they can hardly concentrate on one thing on a normal day. Lol. #Hater. But really! You all know am right. Am usually very good at multitasking and if you tell a guy you are doing like four things at the same time,they are usually surprised. Maybe that is why women talk so much. This is too true also. Common knowledge. But also,a person who is capable of doing more than two things at the same time,is able to do just about anything. Fear women,people. Fear women. We are not to be messed with.
The most interesting experiment,which was also the most honest,was the issue of vanity. You know who are the most vain gender? Men! They think they are all sooo attractive. Explains why you have so many Indian men in your DMs and they are sooo sure they have a chance. Or,the rest of the men also. Yeah,women are vain,but we like to be assured of our beauty and worth. Men don’t need that. They can be the shortest,or the most un-attractive(sorry), or the just the weirdest,but they would still think they are the ultimate shit. Well,another experiment I thought was common knowledge.
So women were discovered to be the least funny species. #Eyeroll. But I mean,why do women need to be funny when we have men to do that for us? Am I right!
Yoo,you don’t realize how much your negativity irk until you experience it first hand from one of your people. Like,you can definitely dish it,but when it comes to taking it…eh,you can’t!
So,sometimes I can be very negative nancy. Prophetising my own doom and shit like that. Am currently doing that right now, at this point in my life. Giving up on things before it’s even started,or throwing in the towel half way through and just being impatient and just done. I mean,it’s normal,right?? Like,you can wait for something for a long time until you just go like, ‘naah,this is never gonna happen’. And because you don’t want to be disappointed,you let it all go because…well… because it’s easier to be disappointed now than later.
I feel like am very good at telling my friends to always be positive. Never negative. To believe in the best at all times. That dreams always come true. That what you always feed your mind comes to pass….feed it love and hope. You know,all the good energy. I will dish out such sane advise like confetti. Tell you to sprinkle that shit all over yourself like you own it.
But when it comes to me….. Yeah,I have my moments. I mean, I encourage myself a whole lot. Because nobody else will do it,so it’s upto to me to do it. I gotta. But then I can also put myself down a whole lot. I get these waves of bad energy and am guilty AF of flowing with them. Several people have actually told me about it. Like,why am I like that. Again,my explanation, is I’d rather be disappointed now other than later. I know..I know…very unhealthy!
So that’s why I get very offended when someone is being a negative nancy. I always want to scream at them,tell them to stop and think nice. That their thoughts are it. And then I’ll be like, people who aren’t positive are just the worst. I loathe being around guys like that.
Figure that! Am those guys!! #Shocker
It’s funny. As I come to think about it. I need to change how I view things,and my feelings towards stuff happening around me. Am preaching water and drinking the wine. I need to stop drinking the wine. Not literally, obviously! Urgh! I won’t stop drinking wine any time soon,that’s for sure. I meant,the alcoholic drink. The figurative wine is what I need to stop consuming. Take lots of water…cleanse my guts and clear my face while at it.
Believe. Talk it, breathe it, live it.
“it’s the possibility that keeps me going,not the guarantee”