It’s been a while since I have been on this site. Not just to write. Even just to read other people’s posts. It could be writers block. It could be not. It could be a total lack of inspiration. Or both. Or simply the fact that writing is usually an outlet for me. Putting down words on paper would mean that I would have to face my feelings. Or the lack of. Feelings are dumb,right? Like, who needs those!
I have a gratitude app. Because I never take anything I have for granted, and it’s very important for me to never lose sight of all that. It’s a just a normal app, and available at the google play store. Anyway. At the end of everyday, I get a message and I have to write down what I am thankful for. It could be anything. I meal I had, a friend I was glad to meet, a nice TV program that made me laugh. Absolutely anything. Sometimes, it will give me a pointer. Like, write about someone who helped you recently. So, yesterday, it gave me something that totally threw me off. I was supposed to write something that I was excited for in the future. Not two. Just one.
Yoo! I couldn’t for the life of me think of one thing! Nothing! And that made me really sad.
Am excited to be alive tomorrow? Yeah. But. Welll….No. Not that am not excited to be alive tomorrow. I totally am.
I just felt some type of way that I am currently not excited about anything. Even the smallest thing. All I am, all I have been for a while, is a constant ball of worry and anxiety. It’s been a hamster in a wheel type of days for me.
Is it the pandemic, you think? The uncertainty of a lot of everything that has been happening of late? And then it has been mixed with all these other curves that life has been throwing all over.
Am literally doing one step at a time. Just one step forward and I’ll see how it will be with that other one. Just like so many other people out here. Well, at least I hope so. Wouldn’t want to be the only slow one out here, no matter how much sometimes I think am the only one. And that’s the thing with such kind of thoughts and feelings. They always trick you into thinking you are absolutely alone.
Am excited to go home at the end of the day after a day of work. I probably should have written that,huh?
If you are looking for encouraging words from this, there is none. I have none. I just want one thing to be excited for. I want not to worry, and not to pretend that am not worried. I want a hug and a million shillings! Lol.